2026-04-01 Notes

yesterday: 2026-03-31-notes

Reflection

It's the middle of holy week and my note from yesterday feels like it was months ago... The days are getting long again, and filled with some panic about work. I think I'll find it silly how stressed I am eventually, I was just thinking "when I get to Heaven, Jesus sure will think how much I got worked up about work is silly", but if he'll think it then he thinks it now, if the perspective would be true in however many years I have left or before his second-coming, then the perspective is true today.

I'm not sure how to have the right perspective when the tightness in my chest is out of my control. I can breath deep and recognize a truth - my job is fleeting and the irony that my job is taking so much of my mental energy through today "Silent Wednesday" (a day also known as "Spy Wednesday" for reflecting on Judas's betrayal) is in the betrayal of my thoughts about my savior, or lack-there-of. Judas sold the Lord for some silver, I'm sure as a man he had his reasons like any junkie rationalizing their behavior... But am I different? I'm so consumed with panic and worry about things happening at work that my mind is not on who my Savior is, just like Judas I'm fretting about the wrong things and whether it's like Judas or not, I can't seem to "just let it go".

What if Judas had just let go of his greed? Would he have been saved? In the sovereignty of God it never was the case that Jesus wouldn't be betrayed, that was apart of a plan known before time, but from the perspective of a man bound by time I can't help but ask it - could Judas have relinquished his sin to Jesus and is my anxiety over my job a modern-day betrayal whose irony is simply made more clear by struggling with it on Silent Wednesday.

Post Day

Ending the day OK... I'm taking a machete through Forge, my project at work, and that feels great. Something happened today where a lot more things fell into place about my role and what I'm supposed to be doing and how I will end up doing it. After sitting in the context for a few months, I'm seeing a bigger picture unfold about what Forge will be, but today I realized it was going in the wrong direction and so even with other people on this project I ripped out about 10k lines of code and will force push to master in the morning. Copilot was very useful in fully removing concepts and even service deployments (LakeFS this time around) to help me minimize the code and logic surface that Forge takes up. It's calming me down a bit and I expect will make it easy to move fast and solve problems in silly ways while we figure out the better ways to solve them. So some peace feels like it's on the horizon.